she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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