She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
please come you make the beer taste better
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
