i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
