So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
