It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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