She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
