Kiss
Puke
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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