I wish life had little blips of pornography
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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