Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
