Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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