It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
