i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
