I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
