I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
