I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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