areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
