New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
