I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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