normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
