This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
