apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
