Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
