Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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