i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
