My liver just broke up with me...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
