You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
