I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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