please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
