a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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