My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
