Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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