She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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