good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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