i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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