i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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