Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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