Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
