Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
