he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
