If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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