I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need water and some morals
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
