the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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