You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
