So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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