I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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