Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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