I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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