How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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