i think i have herpe
just one?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just high enough for therapy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
