Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
