Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
